Exodus

Nineteen Minutes.

p. 642

Is there any other ending fit than this?

I'm not quite sure.  When I wrote about Lacy shopping for Peter's clothes, I just don't know what to expect.  It's like I didn't want it to finish because I am too afraid of what the outcome will be.  I was too afraid for Peter, and what's going to happen after the trial.  I was even thinking of how it might be if he gets acquitted, which is close to impossible, as Jordan may well know the whole time.  What life is waiting for him after the trial - acquitted or not?

Josie, however, surprised me.  I don't know how to feel for her, what to feel for her.  Part of me understands her, part of me wants to condemn her.  But Peter, her best friend all along, didn't leave her, didn't betray her, something he was looking for all his life, not only from Josie.

We all live in a world that is unfair.  As we all know, we all have different ways in dealing with whatever comes our way.  We are different in the way we handle success, failure, love, depression, etc.  But in Peter's case, if you didn't have the courage, would you wish you had it?

Aegis

Lacy was shopping for Peter's clothes.

I wonder is she feels excited about it, or if she does, why?  Do we really feel excited when we get to choose clothes to wear for things like funerals?  I think we are, because, we are all excited so see, [1] who among our friends will show up; [2] if the ones who would show up were the ones who admire your taste; [3] if the wones who would show up were the ones who used to not admire your taste will suddenly compliment you, to your surprise.

Anyway, as for Peter I could only sympathize... if this is the exact word for what I truly feel.  Right now, as his mother shop for his clothes, I am looking for possibilities.

Like the possibility of Pter being acquitted, if and when he does, what sort of life would he face outside?  Did this incident actually obliterated the reason for his doing this?  I mean, he wasn't able to get rid of everything [everyone] and those that survived feels pain, strong enough for revenge.  What can those people who care do to help him, support him, as he start again... if starting is possible again.

Wast he even right when he said, 'it should have been me?'

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The first most controversial of it was the Columbine shooting.  Well, it is the first that I have heard of and followed for a while.  There must have been cases like this that weren't sensationalized before. This is the first one that got into my hands.  I tried to follow the story as much as I could with the little sources I had... until the news died down but the memory remained alive.  There were more, but I wasn't able to keep track.  The last time I read very briefly of, is the internet-based social networking wherein you make friends and discussions, and eventually led one [most of them teens] to commit suicide; it is called Cult Suicide and  I read it on this blog that I decided to follow though it hasn't discuss more than what has been written there.

What really happened?  There isn't much yet that I have read.  I seek to know what transpired in ninteen minutes.  But more than that, I want to know what it takes to conceive all these, what led him to do what he has done.  So far, the only thing he said was, "They started it."

Nineteen Minutes.  Was it the time it took for him to execute his plan?  Was it the time it took him to plan for his moves?  How many seconds of that ninteen minutes did he take to even think of backing out [just in case this is the time it took him to carry out the plan]?

Well, wherever we are, most of us have been through a lot in early school.  For some, this would be a memory that they choose not to remember.  In fact, we choose to forget - tried so hard to erase.  In The Idiot, Myshkin tried to fit in.  But in the end, it cost him more than he was supposed to.  He was ten years older than Peter.  He is Russian, Peter is American.  But it is not an issue.  They both live in a society that doesn't seem to give them what they need.  To make it short, Myshkin seems to be luckier than Peter, for he was gifted with something that will make him not hurt at all. Something he always had, tried to lose, but the one that help him cope with it all.  But with Peter, so far as I have read, he lives to tell the tale.

I think these all is not about being an outcast.  It's just about being accepted as we are; to belong.

Let's see if I am right...