It was a surprise.

Kathy Jones.

I never thought the ending will be on her.  I thought she was the one who got killed in the war.  But she survived.  Although she had a limp, she survived.  Of all the characters I remember, I think she's the only one who made it through.

She got a long letter from Skip.  He told her he believed he loved her.  But what else is there to do now?  He was in Malaysia, she's in the States.  And Skip has a Filipina common-law-wife living in Cebu and he has two offsprings there.

Skip also wrote a letter to Eddie Aguinaldo in the Philippines asking him to find about about his family there.  He believes he will be a little less worried if he knows that Eddie Aguinaldo will sometimes pay them a visit to know if everything is all right.  That's the last thing he could do.

At this point, Skip had no choice.  He was left with no choice but to stay in Malaysia.

The last sentence of the book:

All will be saved.

I want the truth

Colonel Sands is dead.

Some say he isn't.

Some say he is.

I can't seem to know what to believe anymore.  With just a few more pages left to read, I feel like I still have a lot of questions that I need to find the answers to.

What happened to Skip?  Why was he in Malaysia?  Is he really going to die out there?  I can't believe that after all the war he's gone through, after they lost and he left Vietnam, is he in Malaysia to die?

Like Jimmy Storm, I wanted to find out, too.  But is it worth it for Jimmy to travel all the way just to find out the truth about Colonel Sands?

James, I am disappointed.

And I guess your mom is, too.

You said you're going to send part of your money to your mother, to help her out there.  Bu after three consecutive remittances, you stopped.  And spent it all on your booze.  Sure, I can't blame you.  It's lonely out there.  But just a little amount to help your mom out wouldn't have hurt your finances.

You ended up like your big brother, Bill.  The only difference is that he didn't send anything at all.

Right now, you're both back in the States and discharged because of the awful things you've done.  And I think you both are looking for your future which I couldn't find for you guys myself.

Unexercised

  

"Sands hadn't revealed himself as a Catholic.  Perhaps he wouldn't.  Maybe, he thought, I'm tired of my faith.  Not because it's been tested and broken, like Kathy's.  Only because it's gone unexercised."

Another letter from Kathy Jones

It's been ten days since he arrived in Vietnam.

And as Hao promised, he came back with Skip's mail, plus cardboard boxes and some commissary for his pantry.

But it was Kathy's letter that remained with me.  She writes deep thoughtful letters to Skip.  To me it looks like Kathy doesn't really have someone to talk to over there about her deepest thoughts.  And I know that it's not that she isn't friendly.  But instead, it could be that she finds it hard to connect with just anybody else.  She finds it hard to open her heart to just anyone, and I think probably it has something to do with the issue of trust.

If I were her, I guess I would be cautious in talking to people.  That's my number one rule when I am not in my own land, not in my own country.  And this makes it even more complicated.  She is in a land at war, and would never know who her enemies are.

And like me, I know it's safer to talk about the things that bothers me to friends back home, or in some other country; just not with just anyone from where I am at.  This is just being careful.  This is staying out of danger.

So, she writes letters frequently.  But as she said at the end of her letter:

"Are you even reading this?"

What's the word?

Bo-jup.

This is what the Vietnamese women in a bar offer to the soldiers together with beer.

"No.  Beer now.  Bo-jup later."  That was what James said.

But it took him some time to understand what the word means.  Certainly not Vietnamese because they were talking to them in English.  And he was completely blown away when he finally figured it out.

I could not help but feel sorry for these women.  Well, I guess this happened in the Philippines, too, at about the same time.  This is what feeds them.  The money they get from it is the one that sustains their lives.  This is reality.  This is true then.  And this still holds true now.

Only, these days, it's not confined to the bar.  You can find it in the streets, at the movie house... everywhere.

The sad fact is that someone once said, "it's just worth a burger, or an order of chinese noodles."

It started in the Philippines

This came as a surprise.

Rarely do I find foreign books that has Philippines on it.  The last time was probably with the book, "Five People I Met in Heaven" by Mitch Albom and the character there was Tala(star).

This book started right here, particularly in Subic.  And the year was 1963.  I must admit that I am poor in History, particularly with the war, that I won't be able to put it exactly in what date did this happen.

But anyway, I always feel joy when our country is mentioned.  But, then again, it was kind of short-lived.  Because after that beautiful beach description comes the Filipino women and their not-so-good role during the war, which I'd rather not mention.  But of course, there were good things.  Only, that doesn't come into one's mind at first glance.

But the book seems to pacify my frustration.  I am amazed that Denis Johnson was able to talk about the aswang and its folklore.  He even related the story of how it all began.  Although again, it's not one of the best of the Philippines, it was good that he was able to research more thoroughly on that.  Because I myself do not exactly know the tale.

Then, comes our famous San Miguel Beer.  From the way these soldiers talk, especially the colonel, it seems that this is probably really one of the best beers in the world.  And I take it positively since it comes from a soldier who had traveled around the world.  I really wonder what sets it apart.

After Subic, one of the characters, William 'Skip' Sands, was asked by his uncle to go to Mindanao.  This was his assignment prior to Vietnam.  Skip wants to go to Vietnam, and I wonder why.  I wonder what his intentions are, his motives, his beginnings that makes him wants to go to Vietnam.

While in Mindanao, he met Kathy, who at that time, was waiting for any news about her husband Timothy.  By the time she heard about him, she ended up going to bed with Skip.  And right now, a few pages after, I still wonder if it was lust or frustration that made her do what she did.

Whatever Skip's assignment in Mindanao was, I leave it up to you to read about.  It was just a short trip with a rendezvous with a married-woman-who-became-a-widow.  And that rendezvous didn't end there.  She wrote him letters when she got to Vietnam.  And this one really moved me:

They were born into a land at war.  Born into a time of trial that never ends.

What I don't think has been talked about is the fact that in order to be Hell, the people in Hell could never be sure they were really there.  If God told them they were in Hell, then the torment of uncertainty would be relieved from them, and their torment wouldn't be complete without that nagging question - "Is this suffering I see all around me my eternal damnation and the eternal damnation of all these souls, or is it just a temporary journey?"  A temporary journey in the fallen world.

Kathy is in Vietnam.  And that is how she sees the place.

How bad was it really?

Right now, James Houston just landed in Vietnam with two other guys named Evans and Fisher.  I think James thinks he's in the wrong place.  I think James was expecting something else.  But right now, I think all he can do is wait til his next assignment, if there would ever be another.

Skip is now in Vietnam, too.  And the colonel just handed his new passport.  William French Benet.  Canadian.  I need to find out about this change.

Meantime, it has been five chapters and five years.  I am having a hard time with a book of so many characters.  James is a brother of that Seaman Houston who was in the Philippines back in 1963.  Seaman Houston is now also in Vietnam and I wonder if they would ever get to meet.  Again,  there are so many characters in the story that I need to go back to a certain chapter o refresh me.

Tree of Smoke by Denis Johnson

There is this store in our town that started by selling school and office supplies, later on adding second-hand books.  It's been standing probably fifteen years already but I rarely buy from them.  I find it quite expensive for my budget, that's why.

But a few weeks ago, I saw this book and its price got me interested.  Not the title. Not the author.  Not the story.  Just the price.  I don't know if I ever mentioned in one of my posts here that I am into exploring authors although my all-time favorite is Stephen King, followed by Sidney Sheldon.  Just in case I already did, well, this goes for my new readers now.

This is the reason why I never stuck to one genre, one author.  If you noticed in my list, I even have read classic novels from classic authors.  In fact, that's the genre that I wanted to explore more.  Yes, most of those books are available online for free.  But, after several times of trying, I still love the printed word.  I still love the smell of a book as you flap the pages, I still love the way a book feels on my hands.  Not to mention the fact that I don't find any thrill in reading a book on a monitor.  It just seems like it doesn't take me to the place.

Anyway.

I bought this book for Php 45.00 (about a few cents more than a dollar) on that shop, without having any idea about the story.  At that time, I was thinking that there is nothing to lose in reading any book anyway.  We learn something from it one way or the other.

So, here is the preview (page 68) of this book:

"And who," said Pitchfork, "was I fighting in the Malay jungle in '51 and '52?" The same Chinese guerillas who helped us with the Burma business in "40 and '41."

Then the colonel said, "We've got to keep hold of our ideals while steering them through the maze.  I should say through the obstacle course.  An obstacle course of hard-as-hell realities."