Saturday, January 30, 2010

We All Pay

We all pay.

Gertrud told Leo.

But Leo did not understand.  He probably never will.  And it was Trudi who eventually knew why.  Hegi's style of revealing the story behind Emil and Gertrud is very unique.  The kind of thing that required the character a good imagination and the kind that requires the reader a better one.  It took me to reading, repeating it a few times in order for me to get the whole thing; to get what she's trying to say.  But, still, it feels like there is still something missing; something I am still missing.

The secret.

We all have secrets to tell.  We all hold secrets told by others.  Trudi held a secret at a very young age.  I wonder if she's too young to hold on to this one.  Because sometimes it feels like a secret becomes a burden, even to an adult.... too much to bear.  Sometimes, it felt like this becomes an even more burden to a child.  A guilt formed for knowing the story because they become part of the story, part of the sin.  A pain for being a child and not being able to do something about it, or rather, not being allowed to do something about it.
Only you were there.  Unless you told.
Her mother says.

And now it breeds more fear.

Sometimes it's better not to know.

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